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Dunno why this is bothering me so much

Sun Jul 13, 2008, 11:30 AM
For some reason, I think this is the most disturbed I've ever been in a very long time.

Anyways, I arrived at church early today (like I do every week. My parents help set up stuff for the mass; the pews are always empty when I arrive), and when I went to sit down in the far right section, I noticed there was this white woman (I need to mention that she was white because the vast majority of the churchgoers where I attend mass are Chinese) sitting alone in the centre right section near the back.

Now, normally this would be fine and dandy except that I heard this sob come from her direction after I'd sat for about a minute. I looked back and noticed that she was sort of smiling and that it kind of sounded like she was laughing and crying at the same time.

This laughing/crying went on for what I swear was at least 2 minutes, and got louder as it went on. I really had no idea why she was sobbing, for all I know it could have been that the song one of the choir boys was practising on his guitar really moved her, but by this point I had half a mind to go and ask her whether something was wrong and if I could do something to help. In that kind, I'm-concerned-about-you sort of tone, of course.

I was also trying to avoid looking the woman in the eye, because she was sitting further back than me, and I kept craning my neck around to see if I could figure out why she was laughing.

So, when my mom came to sit with me, I, with my eyes fixed at the front of the church, asked her what she thought of the white woman sitting to our left near the back and laughing. She looked around a bit and asked me where. I, still hearing the laughing, insisted that she was sitting alone near the back of the centre right section.

She checked again.

My mom turned to me and informed me that Vivian, there isn't anyone white sitting there.

I took my eyes away from the front of the church and whirled around to see for myself and suddenly the laughing stopped and I saw the there was absolutely no one there in the section where I saw the woman earlier.

That really disturbed me.

Also, during the mass, the woman never walked back in.

I feel like I failed some sort of cosmic test.

Thoughts?

  • Mood: Worried
  • Playing: the piano

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